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Dwarf Tossing Contest.


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Don't say it's been called off. I had my three best dwarfs training all year for this event. Ned "nosedive" throatripper will be most disappointed now, he wont be able to show off his patented two and a half double back twist with kneecapping by double headed axe. looks like it's back to quaffing the ale and singing about gold.

"Gold,gold,gold,gold,gold,Gold,gold,gold,gold" (not sure but I may have missed a Gold out there will have to check with the lad when I get chance) :lol:  :lol:

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Can I bring a Red Dwarf?

Bring whatever colour you wish, Mary.


The following are the rules to be adhered to.


Rules for Dwarf Tossing.


Dwarf’s must be a maximum height of 4’ 10”

Maximum age of Dwarfs - 40.

Any colour of Dwarf is permited.

Male Dwarfs only.

All Dwarfs must have a certificate proving they are medically fit to be tossed.

Dwarfs must be fully insured (Fully Comp. Only).

Dwarfs must sign that they are agreeable to be tossed.

Foul language prior to the toss is not acceptable but is allowed to be used by the Dwarf after his first contact with the ground.

Dwarfs must be tossed only, under arm or over arm is acceptable.

Dwarfs may not be – pushed, shoved, nudged, rolled or kicked, however, tossing of a Dwarf is totally acceptable.

A clean toss will be required with one bounce allowed.

Any person guilty of abusing a Dwarf either verbally or physically shall be disqualified.

The winner shall be decided by a panel of four judges two of which shall be Dwarfs.


Please ensure that practice prior to the contest is carried out on grass as any Dwarf damaged on a hard surface such as concrete will illiminate you from starting the competition.


Have a Tossing good day!. :wink:


Algy, Competion Organiser.



The next event we are hoping to hold is a 'Fork Bending Competion' however this will depend upon the availability of Yuri Geller.

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Well that has scuppered my chances then. I have had a word with the lads and found out that some of them are actually laddettes (hard to tell as both sexes have similar attributes, long beards ,bushy eyebrows and the tendency to scream and hack kneecaps off at the slightest provocation) also there are no young dwarves amongst them apart from little ned who at sixty is the youngest and just going through puberty (very long lived race your average dwarf).


The other angle is getting them insured, a bit expensive even for lloyds of london. This is mainly due to the kneecap problem, they have informed me that even with an igor standing by they will only insure them for third party fire and theft. When I mentioned that they liked a good party and when they stole things they generally set fire to the place on leaving so that would be fine,the person at the other end put the phone down. I am still waiting to hear back from them on that one though.


Oh well maybe it is for the better as the cost of all that ale they tend to quaff is quite a lot.(for those that are wondering, quaffing ale is like drinking ale but you tend to spill most of it hence the expense, first for the ale and then for the clean up afterwards)


Roll on the fork bending. I have a good prospect for that at the moment, very promising lad he is too when I can get him to concentrate on things, like the real world. 8)

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Due to Sids post revealing that there are undesirables going around posing as 6' 0" Dwarfs, the Dwarf Tossers Union have decided they will no longer support the Hill Cliff Dwarf Tossing Competion, The Head Dwarf Tosser has been following our posts with interest and has decided that Dwarfs were being belittled and not being afforded the respect due to them. Anyone having relatives, grand parents, uncles or aunts that are approximately 4' 8" in height and would be prepared to be tossed of Hill Cliff would be most welcome, although they would be participating purely in an unpaid voluntary capacity, Medical support will be provided by the St. Joans Ambulance Brigade, (not to be confused with St. Johns Ambulance Brigade ) who's nurses will be instantly recognised by the very short blue uniforms, black stockings  and high heeled shoes that they wear, this organization had been booked by the Dwarf Tossers who said that they always enjoyed following the nurses around when they werent busy tossing.


Anyone who wishes to help please contact me on this forum.



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