Dizzy Posted February 23, 2010 Report Share Posted February 23, 2010 While on his morning walk, Prime Minister Gordon Brown falls over, has a heart attack and dies because the accident and emergency dept at his nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time. So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Welcome to Heaven," says Saint Peter, "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a socialist around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer," says the PM. "I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He says that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity." "But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," replies Brown. "I'm sorry .. But we have our rules," Peter interjects. And, with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down ...all the way to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course. The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22C degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it is Harold Wilson and thousands of other Socialist luminaries who had helped him out over the years --- John Smith, Michael Foot, Jim Callaghan, etc. The whole of the Labour Party leaders were there .. Everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.' They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. The Devil himself comes up to Brown with a frosty drink, "Have a tequila and relax, Gord!" "Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says Brown, dejectedly. "This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it just gets better from there!" Brown takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labour Party pulled with the European Constitution and the Education, Immigration, Tough on Crime promises. They are having such a great time that, before he realises, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Brown steps on the elevator and heads upward. When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate. So for 24 hours Brown is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-ar*e joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor. He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like someone special! "Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Harold Wilson never prepared me for this!" The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for Eternity." With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Brown reflects for a minute ... Then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends." So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland, looking a bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback, but worse and more desolate. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime. The Devil comes over to Brown and puts an arm around his shoulder." I don't understand," stammers a shocked Brown, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!" The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asperity Posted February 23, 2010 Report Share Posted February 23, 2010 Excellent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
observer Posted February 24, 2010 Report Share Posted February 24, 2010 Nice one Diz ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazj Posted February 24, 2010 Report Share Posted February 24, 2010 I read the first two lines and smiled happily.... then I realsied it wasn't real...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Kennedy Posted February 24, 2010 Report Share Posted February 24, 2010 I read the last two lines and realised it could be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dizzy Posted February 24, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2010 Appologies though as I thought I had put it in the joke section... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Kennedy Posted February 24, 2010 Report Share Posted February 24, 2010 But for some, politics and jokes are one and the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfie Posted February 24, 2010 Report Share Posted February 24, 2010 I have now seen that joke using Margaret Thatcher, John Major, Tony Blair and John Howard the Australian Prime Minister. No doubt in 2014 there is a possibility that David Camera-on will be the subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dizzy Posted February 24, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2010 I'm so very sorry Wolfie I'd only seen the one version as I received it by email from a friend who is a labour counselor Anyway I found it somewhat amusing...and thought I'd share it for a giggle but if it upsets you so much I'll edit the names and just put ****'s or tick boxes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter T Posted February 24, 2010 Report Share Posted February 24, 2010 I didn't know that cllrs could use computers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
observer Posted February 24, 2010 Report Share Posted February 24, 2010 They have to, cos they can't write a letter! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Kennedy Posted February 25, 2010 Report Share Posted February 25, 2010 Hey steady on Peter & Observer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazj Posted February 25, 2010 Report Share Posted February 25, 2010 I upset one of my local councillors with a series of damning emails about the Westbrook lights.... he hasn't emailed me since! Mind you, I had a local prospective candidate from the Lib Dems knock on my door the other day; brandishing a flyer with Brummie Jo Grottys face on it....... red rag.....bull........ he denied she had been parachuted in from Birmingham to further her political ambitions and denied she had a flat of convenience in Bewsey (has she ever stayed there for any length of time or just when she has to get up early to have another doe-eyed looking photo taken while she is pointing at some graffitti or something?) Anyway, the door was quickly slammed shut..... the nerve of the bloke! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Kennedy Posted February 26, 2010 Report Share Posted February 26, 2010 Well this is what the official policy of the L/Ds is Baz: "be wicked, act shamelessly, stir endlessly" and also in its strategy guide (published in 2002) it advises candidates to "exaggerate" claims and to use a range of other negative campaigning tactics. Guess that means lie then. PS On page 6 the handbook encourages duplicity, saying "you can secure support from voters who normally vote Tory by being effectively anti-Labour and similarly in a Tory area secure Labour votes by being anti-Tory." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter T Posted February 26, 2010 Report Share Posted February 26, 2010 Well this is what the official policy of the L/Ds is Baz: "be wicked, act shamelessly, stir endlessly" and also in its strategy guide (published in 2002) it advises candidates to "exaggerate" claims and to use a range of other negative campaigning tactics. Guess that means lie then. PS On page 6 the handbook encourages duplicity, saying "you can secure support from voters who normally vote Tory by being effectively anti-Labour and similarly in a Tory area secure Labour votes by being anti-Tory." Hey, I know some like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
observer Posted February 26, 2010 Report Share Posted February 26, 2010 So what's new; we've had an MP complaining about everything the Council does or doesn't do for years; conveniently ignoring the fact that the Council relies on HER Government for funding! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wireless Posted February 27, 2010 Report Share Posted February 27, 2010 To be fair to Jonesy- and I don't intend making a habit out of it- the Warrington Labour Party is so poor she's probably the council's only vocal,credible critic...and I'd rather have someone doing it than nobody. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
observer Posted February 27, 2010 Report Share Posted February 27, 2010 "Credible"? Her latest bandwagon is saving Birchwood Fire Station from being downgraded to "day manning" status; why does she think the Fire Authority are considering cuts in the first place? Cos they can't raise the local precept anymore and Gov won't bail them out (unlike the banks!) - they could of course force the Councillors on the CFA to give up their extra allowances?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Kennedy Posted February 27, 2010 Report Share Posted February 27, 2010 I understand WBC has 2 representatives on the Fire Authority Board, did they vote on this matter by any chance...one assumes that they voted against it...didn't they. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Kennedy Posted February 27, 2010 Report Share Posted February 27, 2010 "Credible"? Her latest bandwagon is saving Birchwood Fire Station from being downgraded to "day manning" status; why does she think the Fire Authority are considering cuts in the first place? Cos they can't raise the local precept anymore and Gov won't bail them out (unlike the banks!) - they could of course force the Councillors on the CFA to give up their extra allowances?! http://www.cheshirefire.gov.uk/Assets/fire%20authority/approved%20member%20allowances%2009.10m010409.pdf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wireless Posted February 27, 2010 Report Share Posted February 27, 2010 Credible in terms of she can her voice heard, not what she says makes any sense.If no one else is raising the issue I have no problem with her doing it.As for Gov funding the council has some discretion in how to slice the cake- and if you think local gov is underfunded now just wait until the Tories take over. We'll be back to double figure % council tax rises within two years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dizzy Posted February 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 27, 2010 Credible in terms of she can her voice heard, not what she says makes any sense.If no one else is raising the issue I have no problem with her doing it. Quite a vaild point actually. Your comment sums up the huge problem with local 'government'. Where an issue is important to the people of Warrington for example there only ever seems to be 'one' party and it's elected MP/Councillors who at any one time are willing to back the public or raise an issue. The other parties then jump on the defense or attack strategy and go the opposite way by either slagging any supporting party member off or by ignoring the issue all together. Wouldn't it be nice if they actually all managed to work together and support the people of Warrington as a whole rather than letting party politics get in the way.... After all they have ALL been elected to represent us and that is what they should do even if they hate each other or each other's political party Rambling again I know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted February 27, 2010 Report Share Posted February 27, 2010 Another valid point you may want to research Dis, how many times did Ms Irritating take the Labour controlled Council to task? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dizzy Posted February 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 27, 2010 I can think of better things to research or do on a Saturday night... Why dont you tell us all so we dont have to bother looking Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted February 27, 2010 Report Share Posted February 27, 2010 It is less than once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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