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Indian takeaway - £20.
Cost of delivery - £2
Opening it to find out they’ve forgotten part of your order?


What should you do if you're addicted to seaweed?

Sea kelp.


What do you call a man with no shins?



What do we want?
When do we want them?


Prison chaplain: And why are you here, my son?

Prisoner: Because they've got the doors locked.




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A man had three parrots. One up high, one in the middle and one at the bottom.. which one did he own?

The bottom one, because the other two were on higher perches


China have just released a new meat free food range... it’s called Not Poodle
I have a friend who is a pilot for Virgin Atlantic but, because of this lockdown, he's off work, l asked him if he fancied doing a bit of decorating for me while he's at a loose end and he jumped at the chance.
l must say, he made a lovely job of the landing.
Congratulations to Hugh Zappritti Boyden, on his new role as chairman of the British Budgerigar Association.
Just seen a burglar kicking in his own door.
I asked, "what are you doing ?"
He replied, "I'm working from home."
To anyone suffering from paranoia.
You're not alone.
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