artie Posted August 12, 2012 Report Share Posted August 12, 2012 Never jump the gun Subject: BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER Dear Wife, I am writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell; your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me any more - whatever the case, I'm gone. Your EX-Husband PS: Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a nice day. **************************************************************** Dear Ex-Husband, Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you and I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice your haircut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was, 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. When you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my sister, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers - I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them and I pray it was a coincidence that my sister had borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the Lotto for $10 million, I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica , but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care. Your Ex-Wife - Rich and FREE! PS: I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dizzy Posted August 12, 2012 Report Share Posted August 12, 2012 Good one Artie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RingoDave Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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