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Latest Stock Market Report


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Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubes were dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cows steered into a bull market.

Trading in Michellin tyres is flat.

Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Ladders were up and down.

Weights were up in heavy trading.

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

Nappies remained unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up.

Coca-Cola fizzled.

Trading in Iceland was frozen.

The Sun peaked at midday.

The Mail peaked at opening and then fell to the floor.

Balloon prices were inflated.

Toilet Rolls touched a new bottom.

Birds Eye Peas Split.

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market


Any more .................................................

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