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NEWS FLASH!!!


algy
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L'OSSERVATORE ROMANO Special Edition in English. New Pope Resigns After Just Five Days.

 

New Pope Resigns After Just Five Days!!!

March 18, 2013
 
 5400 5  7610

Vatican News: Pope Francis I has spectacularly quit the papacy, after only five days of the Vatican’s compulsory office induction.

 

pope_zpsc41245cd.jpg

 

 

“I was showing Pope Francis round the office, so he knew where the stationery cupboard, health and safety poster and coffee making facilities were,” said Cardinal Fuga Veloce. “Then after only ten minutes of office orientation he asked to use the bathroom. Half an hour later I went to check on him, only to find the window in the toilets wide open and no sign of the Pope.”

A handwritten note, scrawled on some toilet paper, was later found next to one of the sinks. It simply read “I’ve made a gigantic mistake. Ave et vale – Jorge.”

Unconfirmed reports say he was later seen hot wiring a scooter he’d stolen off a teenager and was making his escape towards the coast.

“It certainly came as a shock,” said one stunned Bishop. “The embers in the oven we burn the votes in are not even got cold yet.”

Story: Simon Swatman

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Confused.com, should this be in the jokes section? But seeing that it's not all that funny, is it true? 

Not like you to complain about being correct on topic location Wolfie, I wish I had a quid for every topic you've torpedoed , you've sunk more than Capitan Lehmann-Willenbrock sank ships in Das boot. :D:wink:

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  :D:wink: Queen Makes ‘Hypothetical Inquiry’ Into Hanging Hilary Mantel For Treason.

February 20, 2013
 
 
 2021 5  2869

Royal News: A leaked memo from Buckingham Palace shows the Queen has made a ‘hypothetical inquiry’ into hanging the author who criticised Kate Middleton.

 

queen_mantel_zps15750ed2.jpg

 

 

 

The Booker Prize-winning author Hilary Mantel launched a scathing attack on the Duchess of Cambridge, calling her a ‘personality-free’ ‘shop window mannequin’ with ‘dead eyes’.

The memo from Buckingham Palace was sent to the Queen’s lawyers shortly after Mantel made her comments. It reads, ‘Just checking chaps – am I allowed to have these people executed like they used to in the good old days?’.

It’s thought the Queen then sent further letters to her legal team, inquiring about the legality of getting a transit van, grabbing Mantel off the street and ‘going for a nice little chat in Epping forest’.

 

Story By Willie Upyurs.

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Re the pope Algy.... when I read it earlier (and didn't get around to replying) I was glad you didn't miss the bit off about the scooter as I actually thought it was real until then and was gobsmacked :lol:
 
I've got the jist (or is it gist?) of it now so queenie was not as much of a shocker   :lol:
 
You daft bugger   :P  8)

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This forum needs an IQ test.

Or a sense of humour transplant service!.

 

OK, I hold my hands up!, it's not true - really!, I just got bored listening (well, reading) to you lot squabling (as per usual) about Pope Frank and rather than highjack the thread, started this one to inject a bit of humour into the forum, didn't take Kapitän Wolf long to start whinging though, and yes, it should be in the joke section, wouldn't have had the same effect though. :D :D :wink:

 

Only Dizz took it in the manner it was intended.

 

And finally here's the final episode:-

 

 

Queen To Play Helen Mirren.

Showbiz News: The Queen has announced plans to portray actress Helen Mirren in a new stage show and movie, adding ‘let’s see how she bloody well likes it’.

 

Queen_mirren_zps4027b9a1.jpg

 

Her Majesty says she has been rehearsing the role, based on the life of the glamorous 67-year-old star of National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets for the last couple of months – and will begin with a stage version which will later become a film.

The play was previewed to a select group of footmen and butlers last night, with the Queen’s performance in one tense scene recreating Mirren’s character from the TV show Prime Suspect described as ‘out Mirrening Mirren.’

“When one saw Dame Helen play one in one film and one play, one couldn’t help become competitive,” said the Queen in an official statement from Buckingham Palace.

“One wants a BAFTA, a Golden Globe and an Academy Award. One certainly has space on the mantelpiece to display them.”

When Her majesty was asked what was the most challenging part of the performance she replied" The make up department had great difficulty in realistically acheiving the age wrinkles on my face, however I am pleased with the final result".

Prince Phillip remarked, "it's like having a new woman in the palace". a member of the houshold staff said the Prince was heard to mutter as he walked away "roll on bedtime".

Story+Pic: Ivor Bigun. RAMC.

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Blimey what's wrong with you lot.  I think boots has 3 for 2 offers on at the moment so you could perhaps club together to buy some smiley pills :lol:  :P

I give up!, I seem to  have upset them by posting in the wrong section Dizz, Seriously please move them into the jokes section or delete them completely.

Edited; At least they have had 176 views and 15 replies (mostly negative) and the topic's marked 'HOT'.

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Edited; At least they have had 176 views and 15 replies (mostly negative) and the topic's marked 'HOT'.

Whereas the 'New Pope' thread has 500 views and 47 replies and was funnier.

 

btw As I previously said, not complaining. . I honestly thought you had put it in the wrong section, either that or it was a true news flash.

 

I apologise for not finding it funny. I can't apologise for everyone else not finding it funny. (apart from Dizzy)

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Whereas the 'New Pope' thread has 500 views and 47 replies and was funnier.

 

btw As I previously said, not complaining. . I honestly thought you had put it in the wrong section, either that or it was a true news flash.

 

I apologise for not finding it funny. I can't apologise for everyone else not finding it funny. (apart from Dizzy)

Not a problem Wolfie, not meant to be rib tickling funny, the original was meant as a spoof vatican news paper article that you must admit did have an element of realism and had you wondering, the other two just a bit of nonsense from this site:-

                                           http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2013/03/14/new-pope-resigns-after-just-ten-minutes/

Just as a matter of fact the original Pope topic was posted by Asp 13th March, mine was posted yesterday 18th March (5 days later) and now has 188 views. :wink:

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Now that's surprising.

Not to me, Cleo has a similar sense of humour to myself, perhaps it's an age thing Wolfie, as youngsters we were brought up listening to 'steam' radio which I honestly believe helped to improve the imagination and to visualise, and develop a sense of humour. There are exceptions to the rule, Dizzy for instance, much younger but with a good sense of humour, whereas yours appears to require an injection of scarcasm, no offence intended and purely my interpretation being based on my observations. :D:wink:

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, Cleo has a similar sense of humour to myself, perhaps it's an age thing

 

Agewise I probably fall between you crinklies and young Dizzy, so you could be right alg, although I'm struggling with "improve the imagination and to visualise, and develop a sense of humour" 

 

no offence intended and purely my interpretation being based on my observations.

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Agewise I probably fall between you crinklies and young Dizzy, so you could be right alg, although I'm struggling with "improve the imagination and to visualise, and develop a sense of humour" 

 

no offence intended and purely my interpretation being based on my observations.

Flippin 'eck Wolfie at least be original, not like you mate, are you not feeling well. :wink:

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