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Lt Kije

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Warning Not to everyones taste.










Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to

begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins

they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so

far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest

began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a

suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this

February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the

number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the


The suicide bombers' union, the British

Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B. O. O. M.) responded with a

statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a

strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members

are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't

ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the


Speaking from his shed in Tipton

in the West Midlands , Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained,

"I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a

position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities

of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western

depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's

a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I

don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff

that they won't be able to blow themselves up.

Spokespersons for the union in

the North East of England, Ireland , Wales , Canada and the entire

Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership

as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.


According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number

of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing

star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim jihadists now know what a virgin looks like

and have reconsidered their benefit packages.

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