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Warrington as seen by others.


wolfie
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Browsing the net I found this review of Warrington.

 

 

Warrington

 

A town with pretensions of being a city. It suffers from being between Manchester and Liverpool and as a consequence has developed a kind hybrid noise of an accent.

 

Warrington is characterised by lots of angry men all produced from the same mould. Think of the thick-set, no necked, plodding Neanderthal type being from all those ‘development of early man’ charts you used to see on biology/history class walls. Then add a Warrington Wolves rugby league shirt, a couple of tattoos, and a shaved head.

 

Packs of these early men roam the streets at night after the traditional 10 pints, looking for a fight. The Sunday morning streets look like Belfast after a riot.

 

The Warrington female is usually in a boob tube/black mini-skirt combo three sizes too small and will wear this right up until she reaches 60.

 

Outsiders attain a kind of novelty status. They get the same kind of reception Western explorers received when they first encountered tribes in Africa and the Amazon. Here, Cosmopolitan is just a magazine.

 

The major landmark of the area is the Lever brothers factory right in the centre of town. This giant ugly monolith makes the whole place smell of washing powder… insert your own hygeine/ irony joke – and be assured that it’s probably true.

 

 

Is this a fair summary, if not has anyone got any better ones?

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I usually jump to the defence of Warrington when it is criticised by outsiders but in this case I can't help but laugh and agree. :P

 

There does seem to be a lot of the people described and my will to defend Warrington gets less by the day. But I'm sure most places are like that. Most places I have visited anyway. I guess that is just today's society. :roll:

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ha ha ha ha........ what a great and pretty damned acurate assessment!!

 

I particularly liked the wolves shirt thing; I have always had a problem with 20 stone men and women who think the height of fashion is wearing the latest Wolves away kit..... and especially the one from last year that looked like a throw back to Desert Storm!!

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Probably written by some grump with nothing better to occupy their mind but it'd be interesting to hear where this came from and in what context it was written. Go out looking for Neanderthals and that's exactly what you'll find, irrespective of where you are.

 

If I put my grumpy head on, I can walk down the road and see litter and dirty broken pavements while others see only butterflies and hear the birds singing. :D

 

Bill :)

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here's another one from the 'Chavtowns' website (although from 2004) ...

 

Warrington has a population of 200,000 and at least 40% are certified chavs with the numbers still growing. I have spent several years studying this fascinating species and can now confirm that there are two distinct groups of scally in Warrington, the natural chavs and the wannabe chavs and my detailed study is outlined below.

 

Firstly, the chavs in Warrington are genetically “superior” to both humans and other UK scallies in that they can reproduce at five times the rate of lesser beings. The average pregnancy lasts less than six months and through a rigorous diet of Lidl frozen food and smoking, a Warrington chav is capable of producing a litter of up to 18 young during their 45-year lifetime.

 

Chav babies are capable of breeding from the age of 10 and as most females don’t reach menopausal age, Warrington scallies are effectively baby machines from cradle to grave. The race is evolving at such a rate that some young are even born wearing jewellery and sporting Henry Lloyd stripy jumpers.

 

It is law in Warrington for every chav to have at least 6 tattoos and for females, this MUST include one on the small of the back which is usually their name spelled out in Chinese writing. This is handy in the unlikely event that said chav gets lost in the back streets of Beijing, because at least the locals will know that the urchin in their midst is named Chantelle Chardonnay, unless of course the tattoo really just says “Tw*t”.

 

Against the grain of most animals in nature, it is the female who is brightly coloured in order to attract a mate. The favoured chav colours are orange and blonde and the general rule is the brighter, the better. The orange look is usually achieved by spending 20 hours a week prostrate in one of the plethora of tanning salons dotted about town, although if the giro won’t stretch to this, then a similar and equally stunning look can be achieved by marinating in several litres of fake tan, usually purchased from B&M Bargains.

 

Like domestic pigs, the Warrington chaver female comes in both standard farmyard and pot-bellied forms and the male chav bafflingly finds the latter more attractive and insists that his partner wears tight-fitting and revealing outfits which accentuate her “curves”.

 

Similar to pandas with bamboo, the chavs have a staple food source that they simply couldn’t live without and this is a local delicacy referred to as “chip butties”. The great potato famine of 1985 all but wiped out the Warrington chavs. Dead and dying scallies lay writhing in the streets like the final scene from “28 Days Later”. This led to the launching of “Chav Aid” which is now largely forgotten by the public as it ran at the same time as “Live Aid”. It carried the slogan “Your donation will be enough to keep a family of 12 in cider and fags for a whole week”. It was a huge success and the few survivors quickly bred the numbers back up to previous levels.

 

The second strain of chaver in Warrington is the young, middle class scally that although born a human being and from a well-to-do family, yearns to be accepted by the burgeoning scum that pour from some of the less salubrious parts of town. These half-breed chavs penetrate the leafy suburbs that normal scallies would only enter when lost on their way back from the chippy. They have jobs and money of their own and parents who provide them with their every chav need. They bear all the characteristics of your type 1 chav – clothing, jewellery, aggression, etc they just have more money and better teeth.

 

Because they are not innately scum, these scals have to exaggerate their chavness in an effort to fit in. This involves accent modification which means that even posh knobs from Appleton and Martinscroft can sound like proper Longford scum. Also, every sentence is emphasised by vigorous and unnecessary hand movements and punctuated with one of several street phrases such as “innit” or “knowotImean”. Their favourite pastimes include smashing the glass in bus stops, playing loud scally music at 24-hour garages and hanging around in gangs of 70 on street corners or outside pubs.

 

The epicentre of type 1 Chavdom in Warrington is Densham Ave in Longford. It’s like Basra but with more kids and comes complete with bombed out and steeled up houses and a background of sirens and small arms fire sounding off throughout the day. Other old school chaver strongholds include Dallam, Orford, Bewsey and Latchford, whilst the wannabe scum are finding particular success in the plush suburbs of Woolston, Culcheth, Stockton Heath, Grappenhall and Lymm.

 

The centre of their social world is bar in the town centre called “Tiger Too”. Inside is a confusing mass of horizontal stripes from the obligatory Lacoste and Ralph Lauren polo shirts and jumpers. The regulars all drink “fishbowls” which funnily enough are fishbowls filled with 10 shots of vodka and 2 cans of red bull, then after blinging it to some “phat DJ choons” they stagger off to the infamous Mr Smith’s nightclub to throw bottles at each other for two hours in preparation for the mass brawl that invariably breaks out at 2am.

 

The town itself is very pleasant and affluent and the non-chav inhabitants are the greatest people in the world. Therefore, rather than be forced out of my town, which I am fiercely proud and very defensive of, I have chosen to stay and fight the battle with the scum through non-violent means. I use my insight gained over several years studying this species to educate others. A persistent regime of ridicule is applied to any friend or relative who I believe to be either turning into or harbouring a chav and if people adopt this strategy then we should be able to contain the spread if not eradicate it all together.

 

I feel that an active program of sterilisation would give us a winning advantage and this could be achieved by a blanket covering of microwave radiation over known chav hotspots or the simple spiking of the town’s chip supply. Together we can win this war, so people of Warrington unite and rid the streets of this stripy menace.

 

rather funny :lol::lol:

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Browsing the net I found this review of Warrington.

Is this a fair summary, if not has anyone got any better ones?

I would venture to say that a large percentage of those portrayed in the above critical article are not true Warringtonian's, but are those that have moved into the town from one or both of those cities mentioned, note I did not say all those!. :roll:

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ha ha ha ha........ what a great and pretty damned acurate assessment!!

 

I particularly liked the wolves shirt thing; I have always had a problem with 20 stone men and women who think the height of fashion is wearing the latest Wolves away kit..... and especially the one from last year that looked like a throw back to Desert Storm!!

 

I haven't got a Desert Storm shirt myself but i believe the shirts were for the charity Help for Heroes to help to raise funds for the injured servicemen, & their families , who are fighting terrorism on behalf of you & me . I am not in favour of the war but i find the jibe about the shirt insulting to my brave countrymen.

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I haven't got a Desert Storm shirt myself but i believe the shirts were for the charity Help for Heroes to help to raise funds for the injured servicemen, & their families , who are fighting terrorism on behalf of you & me . I am not in favour of the war but i find the jibe about the shirt insulting to my brave countrymen.

 

Then you are far too sensitive my friend and probably best you don't go out on your own after dark

 

I was not having a go at Help for Heroes or any other military charity I was having a go at the shirt and how I thought it looked daft.

 

My comment was neither demeaning to or insulting to anyone who has fought for the country........

 

..... and I am in favour of the war because hopefully it will rid the world of many many evil people such as Bin Liner and his cronies..... so maybe you should go throw a few insults at the fundamentalist forums and see where that gets you

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Then you are far too sensitive my friend and probably best you don't go out on your own after dark

 

I was not having a go at Help for Heroes or any other military charity I was having a go at the shirt and how I thought it looked daft.

 

My comment was neither demeaning to or insulting to anyone who has fought for the country........

 

..... and I am in favour of the war because hopefully it will rid the world of many many evil people such as Bin Liner and his cronies..... so maybe you should go throw a few insults at the fundamentalist forums and see where that gets you

 

I am pleased you did not mean to offend ,& i agree that the average man in the street doesn't do the shirt justice .

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not even one page of posts and it turns to smuttiness. :mrgreen:

 

only jealous really as I would not look that good even with a good dose of photoshop :cry:

 

Smuttiness!? Smutiness!? There is nothing smutty about it. The naked body is beautiful. In times gone by I used to paint male portraits naked.

The models could wear whatever they wanted to wear but I was always naked when painting them. :lol::lol::lol:

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Smuttiness!? Smutiness!? There is nothing smutty about it. The naked body is beautiful. In times gone by I used to paint male portraits naked.

The models could wear whatever they wanted to wear but I was always naked when painting them. :lol::lol::lol:

Don't suppose you fancy getting the brushes out again Cleo? :wink::oops::D :grin:

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I painted one guy naked, only 25 he was and full of bravado. Poor guy got an erection and he was posed in a position where it was in full view and so obvious. His face went scarlet with embarrassment and he jumped up, trying to hide it with his hand, and went and grabbed his clothes, saying, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I cant do this!" :lol:

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I painted one guy naked, only 25 he was and full of bravado. Poor guy got an erection and he was posed in a position where it was in full view and so obvious. His face went scarlet with embarrassment and he jumped up, trying to hide it with his hand, and went and grabbed his clothes, saying, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I cant do this!" :lol:

 

He must have lusted after one of the artists, poor lad.

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I painted one guy naked, only 25 he was and full of bravado. Poor guy got an erection and he was posed in a position where it was in full view and so obvious. His face went scarlet with embarrassment and he jumped up, trying to hide it with his hand, and went and grabbed his clothes, saying, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I cant do this!" :lol:

Only the one hand - poor lad! :wink::lol: :lol:

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