Did you know

[Lt Kije]

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have

sex with animals, but the animals must be female.

Having sexual relations with a male animal

is punishable by death.

 

(Like THAT makes sense.)

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine

a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking

directly at them during the examination. He may

only see their reflection in a mirror.

 

(Do they look different reversed?)

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia

is decapitation.

 

(Much worse than 'going blind!')

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

There are men in Guam whose full-time job

is to travel the countryside and deflower young

virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having

sex for the first time

 

Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly

forbidden for virgins to marry.

 

(Let's just think for a minute; is there

any job anywhere else in the world that even

comes close to this? Can women do this too? )

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally

allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but

may only do so with her bare hands.

 

The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand,

may be killed in any manner desired.

 

(Ah! Justice!)

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool ,

England - but only in tropical fish stores.

 

(But of course!)

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act..

 

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man

to have sex with a woman and her daughter

at the same time.

 

(I presume this was a big enough problem that

they had to pass this law?)

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms

from vending machines with one exception:

Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending

machine only in places where alcoholic beverages

are sold for consumption on the premises.'

 

(Is this a great country or what?

 

Well,... not as great as Guam !)

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Banging your head against a wall uses 150

calories an hour.

 

(Who volunteers for these tests?)

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can

pull 30 times its own weight and always falls

over on its right side when intoxicated.

 

(From drinking little bottles of ???)

 

(Did our government pay for this research??)

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Butterflies taste with their feet..

 

(Ah, geez.)

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

 

(I know some people like that.)

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Starfish don't have brains.

 

(I know some people like that, too.)

 

*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

And, the best for last?

 

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

 

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

[WireWarrior97]

And Welsh people can't be in Chester before Sunrise or after Sunset.

 

Haha

[Dizzy]

[Cleopatra]

The one relating to the genitals of a dead muslim must surely be a joke of bad taste.

As a muslim I can assure you that the correct procedure for preparing a corpse for burial is as follows:-

A dead body must be immediately washed and prepared for burial by either the spouse of the deceased or in the case of a man by males in the family and in the case of a female by females in the family.

All clothing will be removed from the corpse and a large towel - NOT A BRICK OR PIECE OF WOOD - placed to cover the private part from navel to knees.

The body is then rutually washed and perfumed then shrouded in white material using upto a maximum of three layers.

[algy]

Cleo, well replied! and hasn't this topic gone quiet all of a sudden, I believe that some individuals ought to put their brains into gear before using their keyboard.

[Lt Kije]

If you look, it does come under jokes, not to be taken seriously

[Cleopatra]

Like I said - in bad taste! and I was not amused

[Dizzy]

 

I'm not exactly sure what to say here as I did laugh at the posts albeit in a light hearted way.

 

However, as I have no real knowledge of religious beliefs I presumed it was true

 

As Cleopatra and Algy have now both stated that that they find the quote re "genitals" to be in bad taste... I have taken the liberty of removing that particular reference from your post Lt K.

 

Thanks all

 

Dizzy

[Dizzy]

...which was a bit pointless really.... as Cleopatra's subsequent and informative comment is still there.

 

Do you want that one leaving Cleo. or shall I delete all references to the original

[Peter T]

The one relating to the genitals of a dead muslim must surely be a joke of bad taste.

As a muslim I can assure you that the correct procedure for preparing a corpse for burial is as follows:-

A dead body must be immediately washed and prepared for burial by either the spouse of the deceased or in the case of a man by males in the family and in the case of a female by females in the family.

All clothing will be removed from the corpse and a large towel - NOT A BRICK OR PIECE OF WOOD - placed to cover the private part from navel to knees.

The body is then rutually washed and perfumed then shrouded in white material using upto a maximum of three layers.

 

 

It's called humour and no-one would have noticed had you not mentioned it.

Are you related to a planet or know someone who is? Serious question from the past.

 

Maybe it should refer to the Irish instead.

[Dizzy]

This forum is a great place and both Cleopatra and Lt K are both very valued and fun members on here and Algy obviously also found it offensive.... so can we just leave it at that now PLEASE.

 

Flippin' heck my soup is probably 'nuked now, I knew I was doing something else ...

 

No offence Peter as I know you are mod too .... but you are a bloke so you don't count on Sunday's

 

"Happy bunnies make cosy and fruitfull burrows"

[Dizzy]

.... blummin' heck where did that come from

 

I'm not suggesting we all breed or anything.. or that we snuggle up now the nights are getting colder... I hope my other half isn't reading

 

Algy is right.... maybe I need to put my brain into gear before using my keyboard

 

Have a good night everyone and batten down the hatches incase Katia takes a detour

[Lt Kije]

I did not mean to cause offence to anyone, I did not check the facts is they are facts before posting as it was sent to me as a humorous email. I took it for what it was and posted it under jokes,

 

If I did upset anyone then I apologise

[algy]

Dizzy & Co. I did not find the 'joke' offensive as I have no previous knowledge of the procedure of this particular religion's method of preparing the deceased for respectful interment, however what did disturb me is that Cleo or any other person belonging to the religion in question found the joke offensive. I have myself in the past made posts in the belief that they may be either amusing or interesting to members of this forum and after adding and then reading them have realised that I have 'got it wrong' and have edited the post by deleting the topic and adding 'ERROR', perhaps if more people did this, less people would be offended.

Here endeth the first lesson.

[Lt Kije]

I also posted a joke about Jesus, should that be taken off

 

I do not know if Cleo is a muslim or not, but is their not a double standard when we are free to post a joke on Jesus but on on the muslim religion

 

Anyway does anyone know any completely politically correct jokes,

 

Here's an old one

 

french and british aircraft are to paint Libyan flags on their aircraft to protect them from american anti-aircraft fire.......

[Cleopatra]

Lt Kije, I can assure you that I AM INDEED A MUSLIM. Would you like me to show you the papers that state I am a muslim and my 3 copies of The Qr'an to prove it?

There is no double standard on my part. I read the joke about Jesus but even though I did not find it particularly amusing I was not over concerned about it because Christianity is not my faith and although we, as muslims, accept that he was a prophet of God, and indeed he is mentioned in the Qr'an, we do not accept that he was the only son of God and saviour of the world. It is upto any Christian who finds that joke offensive to complain or not, as they see fit.

Anyway, your apology is accepted.

Dizzy, you could delete my post as you see fit because it would not make much sense to any new reader now, considering that the offending joke has been deleted.

And Peter T, has a moderator you should know better and your observation is uncalled for and makes no sense dear. Of course people would notice it by the very fact that they read it. Please explain the phrase are you related to a planet. It's meaning escapes me!

[Dizzy]

I'm really sorry as in my haste to keep everyone happy I seem to have made matters worse by editing the original post. Maybe moderators should be banned

 

Now there's a good idea...

[Peter T]

Cleopatra.

I am a poster just like the rest of you.And my views are my own. Life is far too short to take everything seriously and no matter what a persons views are, in my opinion we have to take the rough with the smooth. We (posters) don't know who people are or what their religion, lifestyle, or history is/was. If we thought about everything we write, we wouldn't post.

Slightly off track, but aren't we abusive of our politicians and people like Gaddafi and Mugabe? It is difficult to draw the line when generalising.

I see my moderating role as a peacemaker and the censor of morality.

 

My reference to the planet, is that some time ago, we had a Muslim poster who taught us a lot about the Islamic life and was an excellent contributor to the Forum.

I just wondered whether you were her, that's all and I was trying to be discreet if you were.

[Cleopatra]

A moderator, be he/she a poster or not, is in a responsible position and should excercise a level of caution and discretion regarding posts in a forum. Personally, I do not believe your posting did this.

Considering the present day atmosphere regarding the somewhat fragile situation of the pro and anti muslim communities, had a more hot-headed adherent of the Islamic faith read the insultant jibe to our religion there is no telling what amount of damage it could have caused - remember the offensive danish cartoons depicting the prohet Muhammad and the trouble they caused?

To answer your question. No, I am not another planet, I am not she, or related, or know her.

[Peter T]

Like I said, IF we worried about everything we wrote for fear of offending someone, we would not post.

 

I have been a moderator for a few years now, and apart from upsetting people by editing or even removing their posts, I have not had a problem. Feel free to PM Gary and ask him to remove me. I can then be more like myself without the need to watch what I say.

 

The Muslims I know and talk to don't have a problem with the English sense of humour.

 

I am too long in the tooth to even try to understand the sensitivities of the modern world, and have even greater difficulty trying to understand the various religions which seem to be led by a lot of extremists who,in this country at least, are creating problems for the future when they talk of Sharia law etc.

I believe that life is about compromise and that people can agree to disagree, but are still entitled to their opinion.

 

Live in peace and may your God go with you.