Top Ten Excuses

[Mary]

Here is the full list of the most ridiculous excuses used by benefit cheats:

 

:: "We don't live together he just comes each morning to fill up his flask".

:: "I wasn't using the ladders to clean windows, I carried them for therapy for my bad back."

:: "I had no idea my wife was working! I never noticed her leaving the house twice a day in a fluorescent jacket and a Stop Children sign."

:: "My wallet was stolen so someone must have been using my identity, I haven't been working".

:: "I didn't know I was still on benefit."

:: "I didn't declare my savings because I didn't save them, they were given to me."

:: "He lives in a caravan in the drive, we're not together."

:: "He does come here every night and leave in the morning and although he has

no other address I don't regard him as living here."

:: "It wasn't me working, it was my identical twin.

:: "I wasn't aware my wife was working because her hours of work coincided with the times I spent in the garden shed."

[Peter T]

I like the last one.

[observer]

Reminds me of the excuse a Scouser once gave for being late for work: he claimed his kids had broken his bedroom window, so to keep the cold out, he stuffed a pillow in the gap; which meant he didn't hear the "knocker up" tapping on his window in the morning!