Evil Sid Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 God looks down on the world and sees all the fighting and suffering and is fed up of. deciding to wipe all out and start again he calls Noah into the office. "Noah i am going to kill em all off and start again i want you to build me an ark." "why me lord" asks Noah. "well you have experience, but this time i am doing away with all that two of everything. what i want is for you to build and ark and stock it with all kinds of carp" "Carp? " asks Noah. "yes" the lord replies " i have decided that carp are the way to go in the future" Noah shrugs and starts out of the office to get the lads together. as he is telling them about the new project a set of plans appear in front of them for this new ark. the boat is twenty times longer than the original ark with fifteen levels above deck and all the latest navigation equipment specified. as they pore over the plans Noah begins to see that it is going to be a really big project and difficult to complete on time. so taking the plans he goes to see god. "lord are you sure about these plans" he asked after he is ushered into the presence. "I am Noah my mind is made up" Noah goes back to the lads and says. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "it's official he wants a multi storey carp ark this time" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Ewwww!!! Ummm. I don't get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Ohhh. Took me a moment. A multi-story CAR PARK. Hm, seems like an odd choice, but who am I to question the Almighty? And why would it need to float? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Nope, I still didn't get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rifles Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Late last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise....... BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road. BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly.... It was a coffin Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home. BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster........... BUMP........BUMP....... BUMP........BUMP....... BUMP........BUMP........ The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him...... BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... He started to sprint, but so did the coffin ....... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..... Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, his hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into his comfy chair. Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase..... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........ BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges..... The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad. BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet...... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin.........still it came ........ BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it .....still it came BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ......still it came...... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed some Benalin cough mixture and threw it........ The coffin stopped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter T Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 Hahahahaha. Brilliant, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry Posted October 4, 2009 Report Share Posted October 4, 2009 I'm so embarrassed -- I was spellbound!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoffrey Settle Posted October 4, 2009 Report Share Posted October 4, 2009 Ouch........I had one eye on the Red Bull crash and didn't get it at first but now the safety car is out I've re-read it and yes a good un. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dizzy Posted October 4, 2009 Report Share Posted October 4, 2009 Both of the were great Was getting a little scared towards the end with the coffin one though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry Posted October 4, 2009 Report Share Posted October 4, 2009 Dis -- you bought the car park? Or have I missed clues to the real punch line... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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