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The ASDA Greeter


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A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger, woman wearing a Celtic top walked into ASDA in Castlemilk (a sprawling council estate on Glasgow's east-side) with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.


The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'


The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F*** naw, they're no twins. The auldest wan's 9, and the ither wan's 7. Why the f*** would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupid?'

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam.' replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe you've been sh..... twice. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.'

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