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How daft does it have to get?

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Being Sunday I thought we might have a bumper edition, rather like Sunday newspapers. But being that Sunday is a day for laziness, mine in particular, the following are thanks to my friends at the Garbagegate Website (www.garbagegate.co.uk):


Administration costs of ?91 apply to every ?80 fixed penalty ticket. The government expects 150,000 to be handed out this financial year, which means that the net loss to the taxpayer will be ?1,650,000. And as only half of the criminals will pay up, the scheme's total deficit for 2006/07 will be ?7.65 million.


Bev Hughes, New Labour's Minister for Messing Children About, would like parents to be forced to attend classes to make them competent at reading to their offspring and teaching them nursery rhymes. Bev's previous job, from which fired for incompetence, was Immigration Minister.


New Labour's Sex Offender Register doesn't allow sex criminals to describe themselves as homeless or of no fixed abode. But the ruled DO allow them to offer 'addresses' such as: "The third park bench on the left", or "Somewhere in the woods". The Home Office has no idea how many of the 30,000 customers on the register have this sort of address and are uncontactable.


The government has wasted ?18 million on the police non-emergency, 101 crime telephone hotline. It was in the 2005 election manifesto, so New Labour went ahead with it. Now, Home. Sec. John Reid is having to junk the idea before it wastes any more taxpayers' cash.


[ 19.11.2006, 16:18: Message edited by: Paul Kennedy ]

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OBS!!! I'm shocked!!! Surely you've been on this forum long enough to learn to decode Mick's posts :D:D:D

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Talking of wind, and hot air, that takes me back to the sausages. Peter, they were indeed spiced as well as being pork. The Welsh Dragon sausages, that is. Funny, I usually associate spices with beef sausages. It reminds me of the phrase "Pigs will fly". And that in turn makes me think of the inflatable pig at a Pink Floyd concert whose rope dislodged itself from its mooring on the stage and flew away. It was seen flying over the English Channel and was found by a young farm boy near Paris, if I remember rightly.


Considering how thick bureaucrats are, it's hardly any wonder they get so confused! :wink:

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Here is today's gem from the Mail:


"It seems that not even a funeral is safe from the compensation culture sweeping Britain. For pallbearers are being asked to sign waiver forms in case they hurt their backs carrying the coffin into church.


Funeral directors are so worried about them slipping a disc and then suing for compensation that they are insisting relatives or friends who want to shoulder the coffin confirm in writing before the ceremony starts that they are aware of the risk.


The move came to light after former comrades of Second World War veteran Jack Hole, who died aged 86, were approached by a top-hatted undertaker as they prepared to carry his body into a crematorium in Cardiff - and asked to sign a form. "


Mind you as we become ever more fat, rather than daft, it might be a serious point with pallbearers being replaced by a forklift truck, indeed special slings are having to be installed in hospitals to move patients as well as having the beds strengthened.

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Glad to see the police are using their time constructively:


"An accountant was stopped for carrying a cricket ball on the Tube after a policewoman told him it was a potentially lethal weapon.


Chris Hurd, 28, was astonished when he was pulled up at Baker Street station and told the ball he was clutching could be used to hurt someone." Daily Mail online 4/12/06


Fair play though, I have an acquaintance who was a former England player, and I think he would confirm that cricket balls can indeed hurt somebody. :D


[ 04.12.2006, 17:10: Message edited by: Paul Kennedy ]

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Here is today's gem, from guess which online paper, the one that makes a feature of such things, The Daily Mail:


"A stunned householder was accused of littering - for sweeping leaves from a roadside tree into the gutter.


For 12 years, Sandra Pote and Malcolm Dodd had dutifully brushed leaves from the council-owned tree outside their home into the kerb for collection.


But this year a roadsweeper who found Mrs Pote sweeping up told her she was breaking the law.


The 61-year-old was given a humiliating dressing-down by a council worker, which reduced her to tears."


She seems a model citizen to me, rather than one who needs chastising, but then what do I know. :wink:


Leaf it out! Woman accused of littering for sweeping leaves into gutter


[ 06.12.2006, 08:33: Message edited by: Paul Kennedy ]

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From today's Times, daft and very serious:


"A police force failed to investigate properly the violent robbery of a showjumper which led to murder because its officers were busy inquiring into stolen chickens.


Documents obtained by The Sunday Times reveal Derbyshire police assigned only one detective to investigate the brutal beating and robbery of riding instructor Tania Moore, 26, in June 2003. She was attacked by a pair of thugs wielding baseball bats who had been recruited by her former boyfriend Mark Dyche. He went on to shoot her dead nine months later.


By contrast, the force deployed up to 40 officers, including an undercover team disguised as painters and decorators, to investigate the theft of chickens by staff from a poultry processing plant owned by a prominent businessman and former councillor, according to previously undisclosed documents.


A police source said: ?The ?chicken job? came down from ?on high? to the officers who had to investigate ? they were told to do it and give it the emphasis it got.?


Even Detective Constable Louise Howarth, the sole officer assigned to investigate the attack on Moore, was subsequently told to focus on the hunt for the chicken thieves instead."

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And another one, from the Sunday Telegraph:


"A child's need for a father will no longer be a consideration when a woman seeks fertility treatment, ministers will say this week.


The move ? which comes despite widespread public opposition and which will give single women and lesbians the right to treatment ? forms part of a shake-up of Britain's embryology laws."


Also read the following in the article, not daft as such, but very worrying as I 'm wondering what is the purpose of such experimentation, people should remember the story of "Pandora's Box":


"One of the key proposals would allow research on test-tube embryos that were part-human, part-animal ? referred to as "chimeras"."


[ 10.12.2006, 10:16: Message edited by: Paul Kennedy ]

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One from the Sunday Mail, does it meet the criterion of being daft, I'll let readers decide and maybe comment accordingly:


"Police have spent six months and thousands of pounds investigating the case of a 12-year-old boy who threw a piece of cucumber at another child with a severe allergy to the vegetable.


The slice of cucumber struck 11-year-old Thomas Bakasa in the mouth, causing his face to start swelling immediately.


Knowing that his allergy could cause his breathing to become restricted, Thomas injected himself with adrenaline to reduce the effect of the reaction, while the school called an ambulance. He later lost consciousness in hospital, where he was treated for two days before recovering.


The boy who threw the cucumber, like other pupils and staff at St George's Church of England School in Gravesend, Kent, was aware of Thomas's allergy.


A school investigation decided the older boy, named only as Josh, had not acted maliciously and no further action was taken against him.


However, the partner of Thomas's mother was not happy with this outcome and called in the police. After officers interviewed Josh, West Kent Crown Prosecution Service advised police to issue a caution for assault occasioning actual bodily harm.


Despite protests by his parents, Josh is waiting to receive his official caution, which will mean his DNA, fingerprints and photograph are stored on a national database.


The incident has generated controversy among all those involved. Inspector Lee Harding, who took part in the investigation, even raised the case at a Kent Police Federation meeting last month, citing it as an example of Government meddling in policing. "


Maybe look at the article and other thoughts might come to mind.

Anger: pupil forced to accept official caution over cucumber accident

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I find it hard to believe that ANYBODY is actually allergic to cucumber which is, lets face it, 99.999999% water :wink::wink:

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With our armed services having to carry out an ever increasing number of tasks, it now seems that from next year until 2011 our parachute regiment, will not be doing parachute training, such are the state of MOD finances. :( :confused:


No jumps for Paras as MoD cuts ?1bn


Seems we can afford to shell out ?25 billion on the Trident replacement but not provide important training for one of our frontline regiments.........strange priorities.

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I knew the Daily Mail wouldn't let me down:


"Two mannequins used to collect donations for a lifeboat charity could be taken down - because they don't have a collector's licence.


The two life-size dummies are dressed in full lifeboat uniform of life jacket and helmet and each have a bucket for people to donate cash.


Known as Sid and Alma, the pair stand outside a lifeboat station and on the seafront collecting ?15,000 each a year in Sidmouth, Devon.


The money is vital to help fund the local 25 foot lifeboat - the Pride of Plymouth - which has annual operating costs of ?25,000.


But the plastic pair could now face the chop after a member of the public complained that they are collecting money illegally."


Lifeboat charity dummies may be banned from 'public' collecting


The RNLI just happens to be my favourite charity.


PS I guess the moronic member of the public who complained isn't a "maritime type of person", just a sad and pathetic g t. :x

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Not a problem, report the dummies.

They will not enter a plea so a not guilt will have to be entered on thir behalf.

It will go to a full trial and the half brain who complained will have to give evidence.

Would Crown Prosecutions take it on? maybe yes!

A case has already been in court where it was stated that it is not illegal for a dog to collect as it is a human offence. There may be a case if a person owns up to taking an active part in the collecting.

Laugh a minute a barrister could do himself a lot of good by defending this for free.

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