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Daft Quickies.


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A tortoise wakes up in hospital to see two police officers standing over him. The first officer asks what happened.


"I was on my way home", says the tortoise, "when i was mugged by a gang of snails. They took all my money, my wallet, my keys and knocked me unconcious."


"That's terrible", says the officer. "Did you get a good look at them?"


"No", says the tortoise. "It all happened so fast..."




The bride is always complaining that I don't listen to her. Or something like that.




A bloke walks into a pub with a piece of tarmac under his arm. A pint of beer please landlord, and one for the road.

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