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Wingnut last won the day on September 8 2011

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  1. I'll say one thing about this pub. Them gents toilets are spotless, you could eat yer supper off the floor. Mrs Fernackerpan comes in every day to clean them. And what she can't do wi a bottle of Mr Sheen isn't worth knowing about. Poor wench though, some of the tugs (thick ugly gits) that come in here really do put her through the mill at times. One of the tugs went in the gents and drew a picture of a trouser snake on the wall, knowing full well that Mrs Fernackerpan would see it. Of course she give it a squirt with Mr Sheen and rubbed it off. The following day the tug went back, and this time drew the same picture stretching around two of the walls. Poor owld Fernackerpan was beside herself with rage and embarrassment, that somebody would dare defile her spotlessly clean walls in such a way. Tirelessly, she got stuck in and rubbed and rubbed until all the felt tip pen drawing had gone. Next day, the dirty tug did no more than draw the trouser snake all the way around the four walls. And this time he wrote a message: The more you rub it, the bigger it grows. A pint of guiness landlord, and make it a whisky chaser if you please.
  2. Me guts are a bit off today, it could have been something I've eaten, or I must have had a bad pint at dinner time. I barely made it home in time, and me jogging bottoms looked to be in a worst mess than a plasterers radio. Half a guiness landlord please. What's that you said? a young wench has been in looking for me? Iye, she does me washing for me, it's me jogging bottoms that she'll have been after.
  3. Did I ever tell you about the time I caught a 30 lb salmon in Ackers Pit? No I didn't, I'm only joking. .................... But I could do if I wanted to.
  4. Cleo. On the front News Page there is an article entitled "What's On At Walton" It begins; On Wednesday October 26 children have the chance to be a “Keeper for the Day.” Children, supervised by their parents, can attend sessions from 9am -10.30am or 11.00am-12.30pm. Children supervised by their parents for a day? Well now, there's a novel idea. Is this the kind of thing you mean? Don't fret about it cock. You'll soon get into the swing of things.
  5. I think it's only right that he gets married again. Why should he be allowed to stay single and have all the fun?
  6. I get the RUDDy blame for everything.
  7. A no brainer really Gary. I haven't seen any councilors walking about S/Heath. But I have seen the odd skip rat rumaging about for old cups and saucers. So Scarecrows it is then.
  8. I used to drive a Series 2A swb Land Rover ex M.O.D No locks on the doors, and a push button start. It had two petrol tanks, one under each seat. And a crank handle to wind it up with if the battery was flat. The windscreen wipers could be operated manually, a godsend in snowy conditions. I could imobalise it by switching petrol tanks "After" I parked up. Anybody then wanting to pinch it would run out of petrol after about 100 yds. The way to switch tanks would to be to do it on the move. If they were switched while stationary it would run out of petrol and the only way to get it going again would be to prime the carb. I hardly ever switched tanks, and for some unknown reason nobody ever tryed to pinch it. Amazing! The only gripe I had with it was that it needed quite a big turning circle, and it had no heater. Then I realised why would it need a tight turning circle or a heater as it was a desert model. Any part that needed replacing such as the glass threaded indicator lenses I would scour the countryside for, as I kept it to original parts. It was a joy to work on, or service, not that anything went wrong with it. Basicly it was just a big boys Mechano set. I really do regret selling it and wish I still had it. I luved it, and to me it was the muts nuts. (a great thread Rex)
  9. I took mine in to have a new dip stick fitted, as the old one doesn't reach the oil anymore. I was also told that I was loseing a lot of compression, so they are going to fit some go faster stripes on the wings.
  10. Evenin Camper, and welcome. Does tha watch Jeremy Kyle, Black or Red, or Come Dancing? all three or none?
  11. Welcome aboard Rex. Get thee sen down t'Rat & Trumpet on Satdi neet fer a quick scoop wi lads an wench's.
  12. They forgot to tell them the swimming pool was the Irish Sea.
  13. I saw that Bill, interesting to say the least, I can fully understand it. I built my own shed some years ago now. I'm a firm believer in that every man should have his own shed as a place of worship as a last redoubt. Nipping out tonight to see a man about a gas bottle (I've already got a dog). Hopefully he is going to make me a wood burning stove out of it. Here we go. I like the lizzard design that he welded onto the side of it. Not bad for something that was fished out of a ditch is it? This is the photo he sent me. And as soon as I've got it fixed up in me shed, I'll show you who can write fairy stories.
  14. That's a belting bit of history Stallard. I can remember the working narrow boats going up and down the Sankey St Helens canal. It wasn't that long ago.
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