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Jan, Sue and Mary.

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Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since leaving School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing beige Versace dress. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Sue arrives shortly afterward, wearing a grey Chanel number.

After the initial hugs and kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine. Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. She too shares the wine.

Jan explains that after leaving school and attending Oxford University , she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of London ’s leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq ft apartment on Park Lane , where Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Portugal .

Sue relates that she graduated from Cambridge University , studied to become a doctor and became a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading financial investment banker in the City. They live in the Surrey stockbroker belt and have a second home in Italy .

Mary explains that after she left school at 17, she ran off with her boyfriend, Mark. They run a tropical bird park in Essex and grow their own vegetables. Mark can stand five parrots, side by side, on his erect love digit.

Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Jan blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Tesco’s. They live in a small apartment in Bromley and have a caravan parked on the front drive.

Sue, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains that she and Clive are both nursing care assistants in an old peoples home. They live in Peckham and take camping holidays in Kent .

Mary looks ashamed and admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.

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