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algy

Let's tell a story befitting a novel!

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On this particular day he ventured away from the village green and as he was riding his bike along a country lane that joined Barley Bottom to its neighbour Nether Watsit when he noticed a flash of white has he hurtled down the hill that led to the village. After hitting the brakes he pedalled back up the hill where he found a young lady completely undressed with her clothes festooned on her bicycle which was propped

against an adjacent tree.

 

With arms and legs widespread and looking the young lad straight in the eyes she said , "You can have anything you want"

 

Having decided that the clothes wouldn't fit, Kennedy rode off on the young lady's bike which was in better condition than his.

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He arrived back home just as Alice was putting dinner on the table. "Ahh here you are, just in time, sit yourself down and tuck in luv", Alice said to him.

Kennedy sat at the table and began to shovel food into his mouth. His father, Herbert, glanced him a look of disgust. "Slow down and eat your food properly instead of eating like a pig!" he chided.

"Good film about to start on tv..." Kennedy splutterd, "don't want to miss the start!"

"Look at the state of you!" his father told him, "have you no pride in your yourself? You should get yourself in the shower and clean yourself up stead of watching tv!"

"Leave him alone dad, it's his age. Lots of lads are like that at his age", Said Alice to her husband.

"Aye and lots more are smarter and out sowing their wild oats at his age. Sometimes I wonder what he gets upto in that room of his."

"Kennedy isn't like the bad lads dad, He's a sensitive good boy".

Herbert almost choked on a mouthful of food.

Having emptied his plate in record time Kennedy got up from the table and went directly to his bedroom.

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Kennedy was a strange lad, he had a job driving one of the local bin wagons, the lad had never had much luck with girls and never had a steady girl friend as after the first date they tended not to repeat the experience, this wasn't so much his personality but due to the distinct aroma of his sweaty feet, which had the smell of a well seasoned farmyard muck heap, however there was one girl who seemed very keen on him her name was Lucy known locally as Lucy Lastic on account of her eagerness to please (if you know what I mean)....

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He lay on his bed contemplating what his dad had said about him needing to sow his wild oats, perhaps if he approached 'Lucy Lastic' she would go with him to the market and there they could buy a sack off wild oats then perhaps they could sow them together!

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"Have you ever found any... you know... dirty magazines in his room?" Herbert hesitantly asked his wife.

"Herbert...! What are you suggesting? She replied in a shocked tone, adding, "Kennedy is a good boy. He would never look at such filth! Never! I tell you!"

"Why not? He asked, " Most lads of his age look at them. I know I did", he added with a grin, "They get curious when the sap starts to rise sort of thing".

"Disgusting! Simply disgusting!" his wife exclaimed then added, "I am so shocked to hear that".

with a wink and a laugh, he advised his wife, "Look under his bed, or on top of his wardrobe, that's where I used to hide my magazines".

"Enough...! I don't wish to hear any more!" Alice censored raising her hand and shaking her head in shocked disbelief.

She began to clear the table, muttering inaudibly and shaking her head.

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When Herbert came home from work Alice was not in the kitchen as usual finishing off the meal preparations, he heard her call him from upstairs in a tone that he hadn't heard for ages. He entered their bedroom with trepidation and was greeted with the sight of Alice on the bed stripped down to her voluminous underwear and surrounded by glossy magazines. "Get here quick Herbert", she cried,"there is something we haven't tried"............

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Herbert hadn't realised that Alice's interests included Do-It-Yourself Monthly, Amature Photographer and Motorcycle News as she was excitedly waving a back issue of Brass Band Monthly, perhaps our Kennedy was not doing what you insinuated Herbert but merely polishing his trumpet...

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Kennedy was puzzled when he entered his bedroom later and found his magazines lying on the bed. He knew he hadn't left them there. He picked one up and sat on his bed to read it. Flicking through the pages, his attention was attracted by a half page advertisement headed 'ARE YOU THE WIMP WHO KEEPS GETTING SAND KICKED IN YOUR FACE?'

He studied the advertisement with intense interest before tossing it back onto the bed then standing up and stripping his clothes off, down to his baggy boxers. Then he stood looking at himself in the wardrobe mirror. He was somewhat dismayed by the 'pipe cleaner' with thin arms and legs who was looking back at him.

The words 'Even a 9 stone weakling can build a body to be proud of. You too could have bulging muscles in a matter of just a few weeks by following my body buiding course'. A smile came to his face as he determined that he was going to transform himself into a 14 stone muscle man.

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Lucy leaned her bicycle against the wall of Kennedy's house, it was her prized possession after hearing whispered remarks in the local shop, she overheard Mrs Jackson gossiping to Mrs Cartwright "there's that Lucy the village bike she'll give any of the lads a ride", Lucy was proud that they all thought she was so generous, although she must admit she had only let two or three of the lads have a go on it.

She started chucking pebbles up at Kennedy's window as last time she rang on the door bell Kennedy's mum at been quite hostile with her....

 

 

Hey! Cleo there seems to be a lot of interest in this topic as at the last count there has been over 1,178 views.

Not sure where it's going though.:unsure:

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Kennedy, however, lying on the bed, had drifted into sleep, still wearing just his boxer shorts and did not hear the sound of the pebbles hitting the window. Lucy looked around and found a larger pebble which she threw with increased force at the window. The sound of cracking glass was rapidly followed by the tinkle of broken glass falling down to the ground. Lucy stood motionless with gaping mouth from the shock of having broken the window.

Kennedy awoke and rose quickly from his bed, mindful of the broken glass lying on his bedroom floor he stretched himself to try to see who it was outside who had broken the window. He saw Lucy standing there, composing herself. He began to hop up and down with a mixture of excitement and dismay and fear of what his parents were about to say re the broken window. His hopping about caused his boxer shorts to slip down around his ankles and, outside, Lucy got a glimpse of his rather large endowment as it flopped up and down with his hopping. She gave a visible gasp. Kennedy stopped hopping about at the realisation that his everything was on public display. Quickly he turned and bent to pull his boxer shorts back up, this time revealing his skinny backside.

Mr and Mrs Smith came outside to investigate after hearing the breaking glass and seeing Lucy standing there, Mrs Smith demanded, "What have you done trollop!?" She looked up to see Kennedy, near naked, looking out of his bedroom window and was shocked at the what she saw. "Go away!" she shouted at Lucy as she waved her hands at her, "Go! Go! Go on get away from here! I will come and talk to your father about you...! Tramp...! And I will expect him to pay the bill to repair the window!"

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Hey! Cleo there seems to be a lot of interest in this topic as at the last count there has been over 1,178 views.

Not sure where it's going though.

 

 

And still rising Alge. :D

No idea where it's going myself but it beats going to WH. Smiths and buying a book. :wink:

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Of course it's still rising as certain words and the content of some of your posts are probably enticing the interest of all the world wide webs weirdo spammer robots and people :lol::wink:

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Mrs Smith gave a hitch to her corsets and tugged her cardie more snugly around her ample form and set of to Lucy's house at a fair rate of knots.

She hammered at the door which was opened by Lucy's dad, Racing Post tucked under his arm and woodbine behind his ear. He looked Mrs Smith up and down as he scratched his enormous beer gut that stretched his grubby vest. "What do you wan't?" he asked her making her flinch at the multi sour smells in his breath.

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Alice turned her head away and took a deep breath before turning back and, looking the slob straight in the eyes, blurted out, "Keep your daughter away from my son..! I don't want the likes of her tangling with him..! And you will be getting the bill for the window she broke...!

Lucy's dad growled, baring his brown niccotine and tea stained teeth. Alice jumped back then turned and hurried down the garden path where the gate was hanging off a hinge. After squeezing through the opening and now feeling a bit safer from a distance, she turned and addressed the slob again, "I'm warning you... If I find her sniffing around my son again... I... I... I won't be responsible for what I will do to the little trollop!" She hurried away as fast as her feet would carry her.

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Kennedy parked his wagon outside the pharmacy in Nether Watsit, got out of the cab and entered the pharmacy. The bespectacled female assistant in a white coat looked at him from behind the counter and as he approached said, "Yes? Can I help you?"

"I need a good spot remover" he replied.

"You mean acne treatment cream?" she asked, to be certain.

"Yes, that's it", Kennedy confirmed.

The assistant turned and took a tube of cream from the shelf then turned back to Kennedy. "We have this", she informed him, "SpotGone. It's very good and clears up acne completely in just a few days", then looking over the top of her spectacles at Kennedy's face added, "but in your case it might take a bit longer".

'Bitch!' Kennedy thought then said, "Ok, I'll try that".

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So armed with his spot cream and several leaflets on the causes of acne he set off home,stopping only to post his order for his Charles Atlas body building course. "I'll show them" he muttered as he dropped the envelope into the post box. it took him a while to walk home and even longer to walk back to pick up the wagon he had left outside the chemists in his haste to post his order. Still it gave him time to study the leaflets he had picked up.

 

"Whats for tea ma" he asked as he wandered into the house his spot cream hidden discretely in his trouser pocket. "Dripping on toast lad be ready in a minute".Kennedy shuddered at the thought and remembering the leaflets replied "can't I have a salad for a change". it was at this point that Herbert noticed a rather large lump in Kennedy's trousers......

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Have you seen that Lucy bitch again?" he asked suspiciously.

"No da", he answered truthfully, then leaned over and told his dad in a low voice, "I don't know why they call her Lucy Lastic, I can't get her knickers off her no matter how much I try."

"Your not going about it in the right way then," his dad said with a broad grin on his face, adding, "I can see I'll have to educate you, give you a few hints on how to go about it." He laughed out loud, making Kennedy blush a deep crimson.

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Having used the acne cream for a little over a week, Kennedy's acne had almost completely cleared up, apart from the odd fading spot or two. He was cheerily shaving in the bathroom and was delighted with how easy shaving had become. No more attempting to shave with extreme caution, trying to avoid slicing the top off some spot or other which would have the blood oozing out. But it had it's downside too. No more sqeezing a spot and the fun of seeing the pus shoot out and splat the mirror. No more hearing his dad shouting, 'Kennedy...! You dirty little bugger...! Clean the mirror after you have been squeezing your zits all over it!'

After finishing his shave, he rinsed his face and dried it with a towel then studied his face in the mirror for a moment or two before giving a thumbs up sign of approval, which was returned simultaneously by his reflection in the mirror. He left the bathroom feeling pleased with himself.

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