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algy

Let's tell a story befitting a novel!

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Suddely out of nowhere the startled voice of an old sea dog who had until now sat quietly in a smokey (other) corner of the pub bellowed out.

 

"Not COKE I tell you (and it's all going to pot now) ..... but aye Rum the devil's brew"

 

"I seen the likes of this befor nows and be wary, BE VERY WARY, It was one dark October night, the air was cold and the.."

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errm.. the limes froze but at least the ice didn't melt so we couldn't drink it though a straw (I was too slow pressing post and then mine appeared after the others)

 

Just ignore mine :lol::blink:

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The landlord shouted to the old sea dog that it was against the law to smoke in the pub to which the old sea dog replied that he wasn't smoking, it was his wooden leg that had set alight after sitting too close to the fire.

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As the revelry reached it's height there was a bright flash of light and a low rumble followed by a crash as the door was flung back......

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"Hang on a minute" shouted Bruce the bar tender....... "this can't be right as Elvis is supposed to be"

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dead, but it wasn't Elvis it was 'Lightening Clogger' the fastest clog dancer in Oswaldtwistle, sweeping the old sea dog up in his arms, he quickly realised his mistake and dropped him again (great clog dancer but awfully short sited) and swept Rachael up and in a flash made a lightening clog dance through the doorway

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However, she then had a heart attack and popped her clogs.

 

Well!, thats poor old Rachael out of it then! :lol: :lol:

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Vincent was fuming. He chased after the lightening clogger and caught up with him near to Farmer Flocker's parsnip field. He bashed him over his head with the sailor's wooden leg, which he had snatched on his way out of the pub. As the clogger buckled at the knees he dropped Rachael to the ground. She gave out a long low moan then opened her eyes. She was not dead after all. Just fainted.

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she gazed into Vincent's eyes adoringly and whispered "Bruce my hero" the knock on her head had given her amnesia and she thought Vincent was Bruce the barman her secret lover, Vincent who had spotted farmer Flocker coming across the field with his trusty hound 'Wolfie'

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Wolfie stopped, sniffed around then raised his back leg and did what hounds do do when they raise their back leg. Unfortunately he did it up Farmer Flocker's leg and he was't best pleased about it. He gave wolfie a swift boot up his tail end and the hound howled like the devil himself was coming.

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The old sailor came down the road shouting and waving his arms about, "Oye! Ye land lubber! where's me leg!? gimme back me leg!" To say he was furious would have been an understatement. In fact, he actually hoppig mad!

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ignoring Eagle and attempting to continue

 

Farmer Flocker who had been helping Vincent to revive Rachael turned to Wolfie and set him on to the old sea dog, Wolfie tore at the sailors good leg, worrying it, well! making it quite nervous anyway, Flocker ordered Woolfie to release the sailor who hopped away hauling obscenities at the farmer, shouting "you

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"Scurvy ol' landlubber! I'll have ye flogged and locked in the brig for that...!" Then turning and waving his fist at Farmer Flocker, added, "You see if I dont!"

He then began hopping back towards the group again, shouting to them, "And give me back me wooden leg...! You barrel full of theivin rogues"!

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Apologetically, Vincent picked up the wooden leg, which was lying on the ground, and handed it to the old sailor. The old sailor snatched it from Vincent and screwed it back into place before turning and, with some muttering to himself, proceded back down the road, step, plonk, step, plonk, step, plonk....

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"Well", said Rachael to Vincent, "I don't fancy going back to the pub now".

"Tell you what", said Farmer Flocker, " I do have a nice drop o' strong cider back up at th'old 'ouse, why don't pair o'you come and sample some?"

"That would be nice", replied Vincent with a broad grin, "very kind of you to offer".

So off the three of them set to the farmhouse, leaving the lightnening clogger lying moaning on the ground, Farmer Flocker whistling for Wolfie to come back.

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Farmer Flocker said that he once knew a man with a wooden leg called Smith.

 

Vincent said "What was the name of his other leg?"

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