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Cleopatra

Jesus Is Watching

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A family was away for the weekend and the house was empty. In the dead of night a burgler took advantage of nobody being home and broke into the house. As he was going around the living room, torch in hand, looking for things to steal, he heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Heart beating fast, he swung around to look who it was but on seeing nobody there, thought he must have imagined it and continued his searching. Again he heard the voice say, "Jesus is watching you". This time he carefully shone his torch slowly around the room and saw there was nobody there, but, he did see a parrot in a cage. He went upto the parrot and asked, "Was that you said Jesus is watching you"?

"Yes", replied the parrot.

The burgler, relieved, was much amused by the parrot and asked, "What's your name then"?

"Moses", the parrot replied.

The burgler laughed and asked, "Moses...? What idiot chose to call you Moses"?

The parrot replied, "The same idiot who chose to call the rottweiler Jesus"!

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Cleo, I do not take offence at your joke, but I would like to say you did pull me up for posting a joke on here that mentioned the Muslim religion, for which I apologised. I do think you should practice what you preach, if it is not acceptable to post a joke that draws on the Muslim religion, then the same should be true for the Christian religion., especially when it was you that complained about the Muslim joke. :wink:

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Oh go to bed grumpy guts. Boots on the other foot now, eh what? You can give but you can't take.

And if I remember correctly your joke was bordering on the obscene! And why should a none-believer take exeption anyway? You just want an argument. Well you aint getting one here.

Enough said!

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Oh dear was that my fault... I was only joking <_< Looking back maybe I shouldn't have said it though 'considering' and I should have known better :oops: Soz.

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:lol::lol: Good one Cleo :lol:

 

Oooh hope that doesn't offend anyone though

 

Why should it offend anyone on here? haven't seen anyone say that they are devout believers but have seen a few saying it's all bunkum and there is no god etc.,.

Think the last time most entered a church was to marry and the next time they enter one will be when they have been fitted with a wooden suit. :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

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Why should it offend anyone on here?

 

Because you're trying to?

 

I'm not offended, because my beliefs allow me not to be.

 

Yours faithfully

 

A Devout Infidel.

 

3/10 Trollpoints

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Dear Infidel,

Please do try to put your brain into gear before your fingers. Who are you to say I am trying to offend anyone? You are not in my mind to know what I am thinking, and neither will you ever be allowed to be, when I write. T'was not that I was trying to offend anyone, twas just a hypocrite and anothe infidel who saw it as an excuse to have another jibe at the muslims. And if anyone attacks my religion, pokes fun at it or anything else, I will attack them back - and if it continues you will surely see how venomously I can attack.

 

Yours faithfully,

A devout muslim.

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A man was praying to God.

He said, "God!?"

God responded, "Yes?"

And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?"

"Go right ahead," God said.

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God said, "a million years to me is only a second."

"Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million pounds worth to you?"

God said, "a million pounds to me is as a penny."

So the man said, "God. can I have a penny?"

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

And God cheerfully said, "Sure!!.....just a second."

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The Big Flood

 

It had been raining for days and days, and a terrible flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.

 

As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

 

The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. "Climb in!" shouted a man in the boat. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

 

The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the helicopter went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

 

The waters rose higher and higher, and eventually they rose so high that the man on the roof was washed away, and alas, the poor man drowned.

 

Upon arriving in heaven, the man marched straight over to God. "Heavenly Father," he said, "I had faith in you, I prayed to you to save me, and yet you did nothing. Why?"

 

God gave him a puzzled look, and replied "I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"

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So I am now free to poke fun at Muslims now Cleo?

 

Why? Because of the last two jokes? How is your brain working? They were two jokes by a none muslim. How would that leave you free to poke fun at muslims?

 

Consider this. The name Jesus is not exclusive to the Nazareen in the bible. In the middle east and even Spain (I believe) Jesus is a common name. Many men are named Jesus. The same with Moses. I personally know three people named Moses. So, was I refering to the biblical Jesus and Moses or a modern day Jesus and Moses. I have no doubt you will say definately the biblical ones because you cannot reaon beyond the end of your nose.

Ahh well said the sole.... :lol::lol::lol:

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I sincerely hope (and suspect) that my two little non offensive jokes weren't the cause of Lt K's reply... but if for any bizarre reason they were then I will of course delete my own jokes and give myself a warning :blink::rolleyes:

 

PS anyone know any good jokes about spiders, weather, boredom, rugby or forums :D

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