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Have You Ever Thunked...........


Wingnut

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......That.

Apart from clasping your hands together and twiddling your Fumbs 50 times in a clockwise direction, then 50 times in an anti clockwise direction just to make it feel right.

What other uses can you find for your Fumbs?

 

Typing a text message.

 

Squashing ants.

 

Peeling bank notes off.

 

Hitting them with a hammer.

 

Trapping them in the door.

 

Using them as the bottom lip of a glove puppet.

 

Playing marbles or tiddley winks

 

Sucking them

 

Live or die Roman style.

 

Sticking into pies and extracting plumbs.

 

Quite handy lickle tools when you fink about em in?t they?

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Right that's it.

I am now going to go in the yard and take my shoes off, and hit myself on the toes with a lump hammer. That'll teach you a lesson. And then I'll post on every thread my wifes name and where she works.

 

I know my rights.

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Wingnut was that you I just saw in A&E with your foot bandaged up?

 

You were wearing a straight jacket and shouting ..

 

'The chickens with big lips tried to stop Steve but he still made me do it... my wife wont let me tell anyone incase the Turkeys with the big dangly red bits come :o '

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I will, I will, you just see if I don't.

 

Yes I was in E&A I had me foot bandaged up to hide the engineers vice, and to stop people from asking awkward questions as to how my foot had become stuck in it in the first place.

 

In the meantime.

Me granny says it's about time I found meself another nice young wench. So I got to thinking that seeing how Christopher Dean is having an operation on his knee, and that Jayne Torvill hasn't got anybody to go out with. I was wondering if any of the blokes on here had her phone number, and didn't want it anymore. I don't care if your name is King Kong.

I would very much like to have it ta very much.

 

In return I'll get you a date with me mam.

 

[ 30.01.2008, 23:41: Message edited by: Wingnut ]

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I?ll tell you a bit about me mam.

 

She had her face and back waxed last week, and after next Christmas she?s going on a diet to lose 15 stone.

She is very kind hearted and hobbies include making bids on the on line auctions. She told me that she paid a hundred and fifty quid for the air guitar she got for me off flea bay.

 

Other interest include cosy nights in, eating pies, and watching Jeremy Kyle.

Jeremy? Jeremy???? Ooooh that just reminds me.

 

Me mam said they buried Jeremy Beadle today. The church was packed out with mourners. And as the coffin lay at the top of the church aisle, the lid suddenly opened and out popped Jeremy clutching his clipboard, and said;

 

Well Actually Folks??????????..

 

[ 31.01.2008, 22:36: Message edited by: Wingnut ]

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Do you remember Nadins pet store down Orford Lane?

More to the point, do you remember the parrot that used to be in there? Well, me mam used to be a regular visitor in that shop. She was a member of the animal rights liberation front, and me mams objective was to steal the parrot and set it free.

 

Me mam and granny hatched a plan to capture the parrot one Satdi morning. While me granny kept Mrs Nadin distracted, me mam got the parrot and hid it down the gusset of her Little X silhouette girdle.

 

She almost succeeded as well I can tell you. But as me mam was passing the till, the parrot began to squawk; Polly wants a grape, Polly wants a grape.

 

Me mam and me granny legged it down Foster Street, hotly persued by an undercover Bobby who had been lurking amongst the dog chews, Harry somebody or other his name was.

 

 

Me granny made good her escape by hiding in a soil closet down Longford Street. But me poor owld mam not being able to fit through the door got caught. There wasn?t any lose weight fast video?s out in them days, and she didn?t have anybody to look up to as a role model. Tessie O?shea and Mrs Mills have got a lot to answer for I can tell you.

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