observer Posted February 25, 2008 Report Share Posted February 25, 2008 Like the gynaecologist who decorated his hallway, through the letter box! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayC Posted February 26, 2008 Report Share Posted February 26, 2008 How about the man who fell in a cess pit he couldnt swim he just went through the motions. John Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mort Posted February 26, 2008 Report Share Posted February 26, 2008 or what about the dyslexic pimp? he bought a warehouse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted February 26, 2008 Report Share Posted February 26, 2008 The Irishman who drowned eating pickled onions...when he got his head stuck in the jar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayC Posted February 26, 2008 Report Share Posted February 26, 2008 How about the dyslexic roman centurion who went to a toga party as a goat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
observer Posted February 26, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2008 The dog who ran to the corner of the room every time the doorbell rang - it was a boxer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonymaillman Posted February 29, 2008 Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 ........ next Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted March 1, 2008 Report Share Posted March 1, 2008 "My mother made me a homosexual" "If I get the wool, will she make me one?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfie Posted March 1, 2008 Report Share Posted March 1, 2008 Would that be a 'woolley wufter' [ 01.03.2008, 19:30: Message edited by: wolfie ] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam O Posted March 1, 2008 Report Share Posted March 1, 2008 A woodworm walks into a bar and asks 'Is the bar tender here ?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Posted March 1, 2008 Report Share Posted March 1, 2008 Knock Knock Who's there ? Doctor ! Doctor who ? That's right, have you seen my tardis ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithR Posted March 4, 2008 Report Share Posted March 4, 2008 Originally posted by Eagle: "My mother made me a homosexual" "If I get the wool, will she make me one?" posted by wolfie Would that be a 'woolley wufter' Good one wolfie [ 04.03.2008, 12:05: Message edited by: Keith R ] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
observer Posted March 4, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2008 A new map of the world has just been published; with the North Pole at the top, the South Pole at the bottom, and every other Pole in the UK! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithR Posted March 6, 2008 Report Share Posted March 6, 2008 A chap took a cabbage for a walk. When asked why he took a cabbage for a walk he said ' Well from a distance it looks like a collie' :crazy: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonymaillman Posted March 6, 2008 Report Share Posted March 6, 2008 Originally posted by observer: A new map of the world has just been published; with the North Pole at the top, the South Pole at the bottom, and every other Pole in the UK! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayC Posted March 10, 2008 Report Share Posted March 10, 2008 ----- Subject: The Chinese Restaurant A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the ' Chicken Surprise,' The waiter brings the meal served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. "Good grief did you see that ?" she asks her husband, he hasn't so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening and demands an explanation. "Please sir" says the waiter, "what you order?" The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise." You're going to love this.................. You're going to hate yourself for loving this! "Ah so solly" says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck" John Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayC Posted March 10, 2008 Report Share Posted March 10, 2008 My wife and I went to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, ' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR' My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.' We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, ''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR' My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week! .......You could learn a lot from him.' We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, 'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR' My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, 'That's once a day ...You could REALLY learn something from this one.' I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.' Honestly--------My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery. John Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted March 10, 2008 Report Share Posted March 10, 2008 for the first one. :biggrinbounce: for the second Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dizzy Posted March 10, 2008 Report Share Posted March 10, 2008 First one was the best....really made me laugh Second one, typical male joke but still funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
demelzadoe Posted March 11, 2008 Report Share Posted March 11, 2008 I thought both of them were funny, didn't see the first one coming at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfie Posted March 21, 2008 Report Share Posted March 21, 2008 Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 I was in the late shop this afternoon. I picked up a loaf of Warburtons Medium Sliced. This nosy old pensioner came up to me and started to tell me the virtues of Brown bread over white bread, and how much healthier Brown bread is for me. Hovis witnesses I've no bluddie time for em. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfie Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
observer Posted March 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2008 Italian Tank: had one forward gear and five reversing gears! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Posted April 3, 2008 Report Share Posted April 3, 2008 Peeking Duck [ 03.04.2008, 21:47: Message edited by: Bill ] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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