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Airline Humour from Quantas

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Airline humour from Qantas

 

Can't help wondering if Obs, Lt & Baz had anything to do with the replies here.

 

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

 

The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

 

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

 

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.

 

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

 

And the best one for last...

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

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Airline humour from Qantas

 

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

I doubt it was Quantas.

 

 

.....unless they've started installing radar guided missiles on their passenger jets!!!

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Airline humour from Qantas

 

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

I doubt it was Quantas.

 

 

.....unless they've started installing radar guided missiles on their passenger jets!!!

 

In this instance target radar means that the aircraft is able to pick up other aircraft with the onboard weather radar, (provided you know their initial altitude, which you get from the TCAS, you may have become confused with target identification radar as installed in military aircraft.

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reminds me of a fault report my brother once put in when he was a HGV driver.

 

He was having trouble with the accelerator pedal sticking so when he got back to base he put in a fault report about it for the mechanics to fix it overnight. After several attempts to spell accelerator (spelling not being his strong point) he wrote "Go faster pedal sticks". When he turned up the next day there was note from the mechanics. "go faster pedal problem fixed"

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Airline humour from Qantas

 

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

I doubt it was Quantas.

 

 

.....unless they've started installing radar guided missiles on their passenger jets!!!

 

In this instance target radar means that the aircraft is able to pick up other aircraft with the onboard weather radar, (provided you know their initial altitude, which you get from the TCAS, you may have become confused with target identification radar as installed in military aircraft.

 

.......or maybe it's that this gripes list was doing to rounds on the internet about five years ago - attributed to the USAF?

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Spot on, Wolfie, I tend to get carried away with my replies so have deleted the info, I should not have taken Inky's bait. :wink:

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