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Evil Sid

the assasin

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Fred was fed up with his wife and rather than get a divorce decided that he would have her killed. to that end he started making enquiries but was getting nowhere. finally he was put in touch with a guy in a pub. so that evening he met with this chap and asked if he could dispose of his wife. the chap nodded and said it would cost two thousand. Fred slightly taken aback as up to that point he had not even considered the cost. after explaining to the guy that he was a bit short of funds the guy turns to him and says that a mate of his might be able to help. he scribbles down an address and says t ask for Arty.

so in a skulking manner Fred sets out and finally finds the address, knocking on the door with a slight trepidation. a small slot opens and gruff voice asks what he wants. "i was told to ask for Arty" says Fred in a timid voice. the slot closes and the door opens, "up the stairs to the second floor third door on the left" says the voice and Fred hurries off. inside he finds a very smart unassuming little chap who looks like an office clerk. "a a are you Arty" he asks. "certainly how can i help" feeling a little more relaxed Fred goes into detail about his married life and finally gets round to asking about the task he needs doing. "your in luck" says Arty "i can do you tomorrow and it will only cost you a quid". he then asks what Fred's wife will be doing and wearing so that he can recognise her. "she will be shopping at the supermarket and she always wears a red rose when she goes shopping. "fine" says Arty taking the pound coin from Fred and ushering him out of the door.

 

the following day Fred bids his wife goodbye and waits. meanwhile in the supermarket Arty i wandering around waiting for his quarry, finally he sees a woman matching the description and follows her until he gets her alone in an aisle. stepping smartly up behind her he proceed to throttle her to death, leaving her slumped over her trolley. leaving the aisle swiftly he suddenly spots a second woman matching the description. "oh no i got the wrong one" he thinks and then decides that he will have to strangle that one as well. following the same procedure he proceeds to do so and had just finished when he was discovered by security and promptly apprehended and handed over to the police for arrest.

 

the following headlines appeared in the local paper the following day,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ARTY CHOKES TWO FOR ONE POUND AT LOCAL SUPER MARKET

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On a similar line:- A guy rings up a hit man to take his wife out. "Sure, I'll do it" says the hit-man, " I'll shoot her just below her left breast". "Christ!" says the husband, " I want her killing, not knee capping". :wink:

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