Points to Ponder

[asperity]

* A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

* Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

* Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

* Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

* A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

* A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

* Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

* Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

* Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

* Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

* When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

* A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

* What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

* In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

* She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

* A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

* If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed

* With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

* The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

* You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

* Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

* Every calendar's days are numbered.

* A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.

* A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

* He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

* A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

* Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.

* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

* Acupuncture is a jab well done.

 

[Evil Sid]

one thing that has always puzzled me is vampires. always neatly turned out, clean shaven with hair groomed to perfection.

But how do they do it, they can't check in a mirror as they have no reflection.