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Lt Kije

Winter Fuel allowance

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Winter fuel allowance

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About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving

another ' Winter Fuel’ payment once we've had a couple of weeks of

decently cold weather. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and

 

I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

 

Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment ?

A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.

 

Q. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.

 

 

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it and only if you're old enough.

 

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and

electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

 

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

 

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by

spending your ' Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely:

 

* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China,

Taiwan or Sri Lanka

 

* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs

 

* If you purchase a computer it will go to India, Taiwan or China

 

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras

and Guatemala

 

* If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea

 

* If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan

 

* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to

management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

 

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

 

1. Spending it at car boot sales

 

2. Going to night clubs

 

3. Spending it on prostitutes

 

4. Buying beer or whisky

 

5. Getting yourself a Tattoo

 

6. Visiting a bookie

 

 

(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )

 

 

Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute

that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night!

 

No need to thank me...just glad I could be of help.

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