Please do better than this!

[Rockcutting]

A bear walks into a pub and says "I'd like a beer..................and a packet of crisps, please".

The barman said "Ok but why the long paws?"

[Dizzy]

A fish walks into a bar and the barman asks 'what can I get you?'

 

The fish replies .......................'Water and be quick !!'

 

OK so that was not really better than yours RC

[Evil Sid]

An elephant walks into a bar and says to the barman." have you got monkey nuts" and the barman replies......."A bit nosey aren't you"

[kevofaz25]

a horse goes into a bar- the barman asks, "why the long face?"

[kevofaz25]

and.. a white horse goes into another bar where the barman tells him- we have a whisky named after you. The horse says," what? Billy?"

[Dizzy]

A woman and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Where did you get the cow."

The woman says, "That's not a cow, that's a duck."

The barman replies , "I was talking to the duck."

[Dizzy]

A woodworm walks into a bar and asks "is the bartender here? "

[algy]

An Irishman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

 

He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

 

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No”, he replies, “I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.”

Intrigued, the woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch is it?  Now what would be so special about that?”

The Irishman explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

The lady says, “And what's it telling you now?”

 

He glances at the watch again then places it to his ear.

“Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.”

The woman giggles and replies, “Oh, it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”

The Irishman smiles, taps his watch and says, “...Damn’ the thing's an hour fast!”

 

[demelzadoe]

Bloke walks into a bar complaining that he has just slipped over on a pile of pooh on the steps.  Fellow drinking at the bar turns and says to him "I've just done that"  Bloke belts him.

 

Please accept my appoligies.  I don't always get jokes, but I just wanted to join in.

[wolfie]

ƒ(x) walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry, we don't cater for functions."

[Robbo]

Apologies for any offence before reading.

 

A guy walks into a bar with a dog.
The barman looks at the dog and asks what sort of dog it is.
"It's a mongol," replies the guy.
"No, I think you'll find that it's a mongrel," responds the barman.
"No, It's a mongol," replies the guy.
"No, really, I think you'll find that it's a mongrel," answers the barman.
"No, It's a mongol," replies the guy.
"No, the word for a mixed breed dog is a mongrel," says the barman strongly.
The guy looks at the barman and says, "look, it's a bloody mongol and I'll prove it."
The guy then looks at the dog, points to the floor and says, "Down, Syndrome."

[algy]

Apologies for any offence before reading.

 

A guy walks into a bar with a dog.

The barman looks at the dog and asks what sort of dog it is.

and so on!!!!

Robbo, to me  this attempt at humour is not funny and totally inappropriate and unacceptable, there is nothing amusing about Downs Syndrome and there may well be people viewing this forum who's family and lives are affected by this gentic disorder!. - purely my opinion.

(In my view your apology prior to the start of your joke is not adequate to allow you to continue with the subject matter)

[wolfie]

I suppose most jokes can cause offence to certain sections of society, whether it be scouse jokes, or irish jokes or people with dementia, I wonder how many of us have said 'was I going up the stairs or coming down'? Robbo did post a warning and the joke was slightly funny, although obviously not to some people. I think if the moderators are offended they will remove it.

[algy]

I suppose most jokes can cause offence to certain sections of society, whether it be scouse jokes, or irish jokes or people with dementia, I wonder how many of us have said 'was I going up the stairs or coming down'? Robbo did post a warning and the joke was slightly funny, although obviously not to some people. I think if the moderators are offended they will remove it.

Fair comment Wolfie, I did have a relative (by marriage) who was born with Downs syndrome and experienced the strain that it placed on the family. Incidentally the person I am referring to worked with his father and brother in their watch repair business and the young lad could strip and rebuild a watch as good as his dad and brother although he couldn't diagnose or repair the faults.

 I did remark that it was only my opinion!

[Rockcutting]

A dog goes to the Job Center and asks for work.

He's told "There's a vacancy at the circus".

The dog asks "Why would the circus want a plumber?"

 

 

 

[Rockcutting]

A pair of cows were talking in their field.

One says "Have you heard about this Mad Cow Disease that is gowing around?".

 

"Yes," said the other cow, "makes me glad that I'm a penguin".

 

Isn't the "Humour" section of WW just supposed to be funny?

[Lt Kije]

A pair of cows were talking in their field.

One says "Have you heard about this Mad Cow Disease that is gowing around?".

 

"Yes," said the other cow, "makes me glad that I'm a penguin".

 

Isn't the "Humour" section of WW just supposed to be funny?

Some times it is

[Dizzy]

I like this topic       

[Rockcutting]

My wife was complaining (again).

She said "look at Mr. Jones from across the road. Every morning when he leaves for work he gives his wife a kiss. Why don't you do that?".

"Because", I said, "I've not met her yet".

[Rockcutting]

A man went to the doctors about a strawberry growing out of his head.

The doctor said "I'll give you some cream for that".

 

Come on Warrington, surely someone out there has better jokes than this?

[Evil Sid]

A piece of green tarmac goes into the bar and the barman says "I'm not serving you your a cycle path"

[Dizzy]

A man walks into a pub and sees Vincent Van Gogh standing at the bar. The man says 'I love your paintings, can I buy you a drink?'
Vincent replies, 'No thanks I've got one ear.'

[Dizzy]

A pie walks into a bar and asks the bar owner if he can have a pint of beer and a packet of crisps. The bar owner replies and says, sorry we don't serve food.

[algy]

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"

"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little sod. I'll pay for everything."

The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his bum, pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."

[Dizzy]

    brilliant