Rockcutting Posted April 13, 2013 Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman went into a pub and the Landlord said "is this some kind of a joke?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cleopatra Posted April 13, 2013 Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 What was the reply? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Sid Posted April 13, 2013 Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 Shakespeare walks into an pub and the barman says "get out your bard" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfie Posted April 13, 2013 Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 A man walks into a pub and in the corner are three men and a dog playing poker.The guy says, "bloody hell, he must be a clever dog!"The barman replies, "Not really, every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbo Posted April 13, 2013 Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 Â Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Sid Posted April 13, 2013 Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 Bumped into Van Gogh in the pub on Thursday asked him if he wanted a pint, he said "no thanks I've got one ear." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cleopatra Posted April 13, 2013 Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 A man walked into a bar and said, "Ouch....! I did't see that." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfie Posted April 13, 2013 Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"The barman asks, "What did you say that for?"The man replies, "I heard it in a joke once." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockcutting Posted April 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 I just found an old oil painting and an old violin in my attic.  I took them to the local auctioneers who said "What you've got here is a Rembrant and a Stradivarious".  "unfortunately Stradivarious was a rubbish painter and Rembrant couldn't make violins for toffee",  Tommy Cooper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfie Posted April 13, 2013 Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 Was the auctioneers next door to the pub? Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
algy Posted April 13, 2013 Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 Was the auctioneers next door to the pub? Â No!, the pub was next door to the auctioneers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Sid Posted April 14, 2013 Report Share Posted April 14, 2013 Wonder if Van Gogh called in there to sell his Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
algy Posted April 14, 2013 Report Share Posted April 14, 2013 Wonder if Van Gogh called in there to sell his Violin?. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockcutting Posted April 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2013 I went into a shop and said "Do you have any Helicopter Crisps Please". ... What was the shop keepers rely? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockcutting Posted April 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2013 Meant to say reply sos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfie Posted April 14, 2013 Report Share Posted April 14, 2013 Shouldn't that be ........ Do you have any helicopter flavoured crisps?""Sorry, we've only got plane". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockcutting Posted April 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2013 or we used to stock them but they flew off the shelves! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfie Posted April 14, 2013 Report Share Posted April 14, 2013 or ... they were taken over by a mega rich Arabian Consortium led by Sultan Sheikh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockcutting Posted April 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 15, 2013 or... we used to stock them but they didn't take off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cleopatra Posted April 15, 2013 Report Share Posted April 15, 2013 Or, helicopter crisps...? Are you having a joke? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockcutting Posted April 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 15, 2013 errm yes Clio isn't that the title?    "Some kind of a Joke" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted April 15, 2013 Report Share Posted April 15, 2013 errm yes Clio isn't that the title?    "Some kind of a Joke"  Brilliant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
algy Posted April 16, 2013 Report Share Posted April 16, 2013 Some kind of a joke X 14  An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender turns to them, takes one look, and says, "What is this - some kind of joke?" Three men walk into a bar, all bearded and all wearing turbans. The barman says "what is this, some kind of Sikh joke?" A Priest, a Rabbi and a Leprechaun walk into a bar. The Leprechaun looks around and says, "Saints preserve us! I'm in the wrong joke!" A woman walked into an English pub and asked the barman for a double entendre. So he gave her one. A woman walked into an American bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre. So he gave it to her. An Irishman walks past a bar. Three men walk into a bar... Ouch! (And variants:)A dyslexic man walks into a bra. Two men walk into a bar... you'd think one of them would have seen it. Two men walk into a bar... the third one ducks. A seal walks into a club. Two men walk into a bar... but the third one is too short and walks right under it. Three blind mice walk into a bar, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative — There was a young man from Peru Whose limericks all stopped at line two Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockcutting Posted April 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2013 Algy always wants to be best, don't you Algy? The best answer to the question "Do you have a packet of helicopter crisps" is "Yes that will be five pennies please" The old ones are always the best? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfie Posted April 16, 2013 Report Share Posted April 16, 2013 Old pennies? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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